Fish to Fry

Where to start :)
    Let me first say that the Lord has been dealing with me ever so patiently for decades in the area of wanting and expecting instant justice. Not so much in the world, though we will most certainly get to that,  but in the area of ministry. So, knowing my tendency to speak before thinking and wanting to exact justice myself,  I think a blog will help me shape what I need to feel and say and do about the folks on my lightning bolt list. ( Im not going to define lightning bolt list because if you cant imagine what it is then you are much nicer than me and you would stop reading if I told you :)
    Back to the fish... his name is legalism, and his many minions that inhabit the Church. Before anyone gets their panty's in a wad, I am a rules, black and white with only a sliver of grey, kind of girl. Legalism to me is forcing children (anyone really) to obey a set of rules that man has written with no training and transforming of the heart on why we behave the way we should behave. Legalism breeds rebellion. In my experience, the enforcers have always been of the Pharisaical type, which breeds that rebellion even deeper in children.
   Where am I going with this, you might be asking and why does this fish need frying? As the blog title states my nest is empty now, the youngest in his second semester of college. Oh, and my oldest is finishing his junior year. ( now you understand the rambling part of the title :)  This season lends itself to much looking back on the years you had with your kids and unfortunately you can see the mistakes you made in that time. Regret can be a powerful enemy to a soul so I am just going to share my regrets and leave them behind, where they belong, at the foot of the cross, forgiven and covered by a gracious God. (Yes, I really am getting to the fish I promise, just trying to set the scene.)
   Tim and I decided before the boys were even born that we wanted them educated in a Christian environment so when the time came off they went. And I must say, we have had some of the most wonderful teachers that the Lord put on this earth and so many joys, all subjects for future posts I hope. And, we had very few problems as the boys advanced all the way through middle school.
    Ok, time out, need to say a few things here because my fingers have been idle for so very long trying to figure out how to describe this regret. Six months ago I would have listed the names, the location, all of the offenses of others and published it in the paper if I could, but like I said before, the Lord is really working on me in this justice area. I still have a great deal of stored up animosity and I'll be honest, hatred for some folks that have harmed my children and many others. So with that said, and for the purpose here of only building up I want to share only my part in this. I want parents to see where I/we ( Tim and I) messed up so they can be watchful for their own children.
    So, as the boys got older and more involved in school and extracurricular activities it became very apparent by their comments, and those of their friends,  and their friend's parents, and so on and so on.... that we had a problem with those in charge not practicing what they preached. I know we are all guilty of stumbling and making mistakes but that is not what I am talking about here. Im trying to get to the point about legalism, I really am. It just happened so gradually I guess that we didnt see the danger. In a  private school they had a dress code, a code of conduct for speech and behavior, all things that I didnt have a problem with per se. But, when the list of donts keep getting longer and longer more ridiculous, people, please beware.  And when your children see that the rules dont apply to everyone equally, like children who's parents give big donations or are friends of the rule enforcers, damage is being ingrained in them that you cant see until later. When your child says, so and so, doesnt care about my heart he only cares about my shirt tail PLEASE listen to them. I dont know what to tell you to do about it if it happens to you, but I do want to tell you that one of my deepest regrets was that I left my boys in that environment. I know we were scared to move them and I know we didnt want to lose "the investment" we had made all those years of not finishing out in private school. We didnt want to lose our friends and the boys lose theirs. It would have meant changing teams and a lot of unknown which I think scares all of us. But bottom line I believe my kids would have been better off in the cross town private school where God is not honored. Please, I am not trying to indite Christian High School education at all! I think it can be done well and children blossom in it. Its all about the heart. Legalism leaves the heart out and corrects the outside only, which is worthless. Its modern day Pharisees, who Jesus called whitewashed tombs and a brood of vipers.  I heard a sermon about legalism this summer and it all clicked in my mind. The Pastor said that legalists do what they do because when everyone they control "looks" good then they "look" and that is exactly  it!  And, what breaks my heart, and makes me want to run over someone, all at the same time, is that so many of the children trained this way dont have the benefit of talking this through with someone and end up hating the Church, leaving it behind because they think thats all there is to this Jesus. When its the exact opposite of who Jesus really is! Argh, my blood pressure is up!  I pray the Lord would pursue those dear ones who have been wronged in this manner and that He would show Himself to them as He truly is!
   Whew. Im trying to leave it to the Lord, let Him avenge (or whatever he wills) in His time. I know that the Lord loves the folks on my lightning bolt list as much as he loves me and that he wants us all to come to repentance, so I have let go. Trying not to take pleasure when folks get their just desserts :) So what do I do from here? I pray that I not become that which I see and dont like. And, pray that the Lord would show me where I already am like that. I have so far to go!
   Its a journey friends, one that was meant to travel together :)
   

What I have to say

   I have been playing with the idea of a blog for several weeks, so I just googled it and dove in!
   Its not that I have anything to say that hasn't been said before, I just need to say it for myself :)
   I am an unashamed follower of Christ Jesus, on a journey as a wife, a mom, a friend, a citizen, a neighbor.....you get the picture. As we learn stuff, I think it is important to share what we have learned with others so that our journeys can go a little smoother. I know everyone expects this will be a political blog, and I will not deny that I have many passionate feelings about the subject that will probably be voiced on numerous occasions, but I hope that this blog will be so much more. The older I get, the more the Lord teaches me, and the mistakes I have made, maybe could be avoided by others if they read about them. Anyway, Im looking forward to this and I have folks that are great at blogging who can help me learn the ins and outs so, here we go! Oh, a disclaimer... I hated English in school and have little regard for grammatical rules and spelling and such, sorry ahead of time.